coup de grace in the coupe d'or?

Orchestral politics turned a little nasty under the golden canape of the Theatre Coupe d'Or, and our last night party was tainted for me.
It is possible I have been somewhat of a hit in the band. It may be because, fresh on these shores, I have no past hooks on which to hang easy judgments (YET. We all make mistakes and it could all change. Perhaps it already has). It seems I have been proposed for a huge tour in the summer. My solo oyster-fest was in part a private celebration of this, and Julian had I had already thought our dire financial straits in a state of repose, planning more work on the house (or at least an ability to pay the cubi bills). Then, after the last performance, I heard that wonderful cellists in the Paris region and beyond are sitting waiting for this work; cellists who have worked regularly with the group for years and who deserve it; cellists who also have bills to pay. All of a sudden I am a football being tossed around a political courtroom, feeling like I should back down for moral reasons and I am pissed off to yet again be dragged into the mess. Am I a fool waking from a harmonious dream to find that the reality is quite different, or should I just accept gracefully that this is how it goes and perhaps, having been pushed aside over the last twenty years in favour of people with more energy, less movement, bigger breasts or longer legs, younger people, sexier people, less sexy people, wiser people....that my moment has finally come?
Two years ago I was asked to do a series of Bach passions with a well known group (run by criminals it turns out and which shall remain nameless). I had been replacing the first cellist during her maternity leave. I could tell that i was being asked simply to replace her. I said that I was uneasy with this situation, knowing the girl was keen to come back to work, and suggested we shared the work between us. I never heard from them again. However, two months later I was doing a concert with a french group in exactly the same venue in the Var, a new career ahead of me. I have never looked back.
How moral should we be? If you are true and good does your guardian angel really approve and look after you?



I think deep down I do believe that we reap what we sew.